Tainted: A Jemma
by hooked-on-degrassi
Summary: Emma has gone through some pretty tough things throughout her life, and the shooting just magnifies those events. She has a lot of trouble getting over one particular event, will someone be there to help her through it? JEMMA!
1. Chapter 1

**Tainted**  
A Jemma

Chapter One

_"Emma?" A 30-ish looking man was walking towards me._

_"Yes?" I looked at him strangely, trying to figure out what he wanted._

"_I'm Jordon's teacher. We're having pizza upstairs. You can come up now, or I can send Jordon down when he's finished." He smiled at me. "You know, Jordon hasn't stopped talking about you."_

_My heart skipped a beat. "I guess I could go up now." __**Stupid, stupid girl.**_

_"Alright, follow me."_

_We got to a hotel room. 1409. No one was up there, and he knocked on a door connecting to another room._

_"Guys, hurry up. Pizza's here." He looked at me. "They'll be right over." He gestured for me to sit, and I did._

_Minutes started to pass, and no one came. I stood up and walked towards the door._

"_Emma, where are you going?"_

_"I think I left my purse downstairs…" I was so nervous._

_"Emma, it's right here." I was scared, I ran. The door was locked, so I locked myself in the bathroom._

_"Emma?"_

_"You're Jordon, aren't you?" I was crying, leaning my back against the door._

_"I couldn't tell you my real age Emma, I didn't think you would like me."_

_"I want to go home."_

_"Please Emma, don't be scared." Oh no, I wasn't scared, I was petrified._

_"I just want to go home."_

_"Alright, I'll leave."_

_I heard a door open and shut. I listened for a minute or so. He left, He had to. I opened the bathroom door, and then tried the hotel room door. Unlocked. I made it, I was safe. But then…_

_SLAM!_

_Jordon shut the door in front of my face, and pushed me against a wall, hand over my mouth. I had no way out._

_"Don't scream, or I'll ducktape your mouth shut, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?" I shook my head no. "Good." Then he gave me a creepy smile. I wanted to die._

_He made me sit on the bed. I had my hands in my lap, and I tried to focus on them. Jordon was fidiling around in the corner with something._

_"Okay Emma, we are going to make a little movie." He sat down next to me. One hand running up and down my thigh, the other stroking my hair. "Oh Emma, your hair is so soft." The hand on my thigh reached my belt, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming. Then he started to unbutton my pants._

_"No, please." I looked up at him through my teary eyes, barely whispering. "Please stop."_

_"Come on Emma, it'll be fun. You'll like it."_

_He got on top of me. I tried to fight him back, but it was no use. He would just smack me around, telling me to keep quiet._

_The cops came along with my mother and Snake after he was done, and we were already dressed. I was crying in the corner. He went to answer the door, and I grabbed the tape, shoving it in my pocket._

_I burned that tape, destroyed it. I never wanted anyone to ever know what really happened that night. Jordon went to jail, but not for rape, no one knew. I went to the clinic a few weeks later, on my own, in a different city, with a fake name, and a fake age. I said my boyfriend's condom broke. Everyone looked at me like I was a whore. I felt like one. But I was fine. I hadn't gotten my period yet, so I wasn't worried about pregnancy, but they did say I was clean of STD's._

That was over three years ago, and still no one knew. I used to think that was the worst thing to ever happen to me. Maybe it was, or maybe this is.

Rick glared at me, saying I made his list, or something amoung those lines. I was scared, but something else too. Relieved? Was someone finally going to put me out of my misery? Take me out of this sucky life that started going downhill after Jordon?

I could feel Toby's hand holding mine, and then I heard Sean talking. That brought me back. He was standing between me and the gun. Was he retarded?! His life is worth way more than mine! I'm barely worth air space, let alone saving! Why does he have to be so stupid?! So crazy?!

The two boys were wrestling over the gun, and it went off, then they both fell. God, I swear, Sean better be ok. If he's not, I think I might do myself in for real. No more contemplating. No more chickening out, I'll just do it. He better be ok.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I have the story completely finished, so it just depends on how lazy I am on putting it onto the computer, so...enjoy!**

HE. WAS. OK.

He has a bandage on his arm, but that was it. Perfectly fine. Him, me, and Toby were in the MI room, with my mom, Snake, and Mr.Radditch. Mr.Radditch and Snake were arguing about something, and the cops wanted to talk to us. I was in shock, jumping for joy on the inside that Sean was ok, but the shock was there, it was in all of us.

I came back to school Monday, and there were reporters everywhere. Great. I felt so many eyes on me, all day long. I couldn't take it. I felt like they were in my head, reading all my secrets. They could NOT know my secrets. I would not let them. I ducked into Snake's room to get away from it all. I was practically in tears when I reached the MI lab, and to my surprise, Sean was there.

I wasn't sure what to do. He just risked his life to save mine a few days ago. But, wasn't he mad at me? Wasn't I mad at him? At that moment, it didn't matter, and I didn't care. I hugged him.

"Sean!" he looked at me funny, like he was shocked I was hugging him, but hey, I so was I. "I never got to thank you. You saved my life, Sean, you saved my life." I hugged him tighter and he hugged back while Snake said something about closure.

I walked down the steps of Degrassi. It was lunch, but I felt like leaving. I found Jay by his civic.

"I'm just running the battery Greenpeace, no polluting the environment today." God, he could be a jerk sometimes, ok, all the time.

"Noise pollution." Ha, let him chew on that. "but that's not why I'm here. Where's Sean?"

He motioned towards the media van, and Sean came storming out, smashing a computer moniter on the ground. He always had a temper.

"Sean, can't you see they love you?" some nameless reporter questioned him.

"Yeah, I'm just full of love today!" He stormed over to us. "Jay, let's go, I'm driving." he jumped into the front seat, as did Jay and Ellie in back. "Emma, you coming?"

I hopped in too.


	3. Chapter 3

We finally got to Sean's parent's house in Waseaga Beach, and Jay made some joke about a lunchbox. Sean was inside, Ellie was by the car, Jay was laying on the grass in the sun, and I was picking grapes.  
Jay took his sunglasses off and looked at me. "Hey Greenpeace, if you're lucky I might just let you feed those to me"  
I wasn't facing him, but I knew he was smirking. "You wish"  
"Did you know, in Onterio, women can walk around topless"  
Where did he get this stuff? I threw a grape at him, and we both laughed.  
"Hey kids!" Sean was angry, and marching over to us. "Garden of Eden's over, Waseaga Beach awaits"  
We all hopped back in the car and drove to the beach.

The next few hours were actually pretty fun. I got a release from all the crap in my life, I even let loose for a little.  
Jay buried me in the sand, and I couldn't stop laughing. Who knew he could actually be fun to hang out with? After a while we got hot, and went to the boardwalk to find suits to go swimming in.  
"Hey Greenpeace, what about this little number?" Jay held up a very revealing black string bikini with rhinestones on it.  
I laughed in his face. "Only if you wear this." I held up a red speedo that looked more like a thong.  
"Now, now Greenpeace. I know you would love to see my hot bod in that, but...no"  
"Perfectly fine with me"  
I ended up with a blue tie-dye tankini that showed a good ammount of my tan stomach, and Jay had some pair of trunks. After we changed, Jay found a Jetski rental place, and guess who happened to be working there?  
Tyler. The kid Sean deafened in one ear, and moved to Degrassi over. Jay made fun of him, and almost got tackled to the ground, and then Tyler said something about not wanting to take Sean's lunch money again, and gave us the keys.  
Sean was the first one out, and he was pissed. Tyler also made a crack about Rick earlier, and I guess Sean just lost it.  
"Oh my God!" Ellie pointed to a spot in the ocean, and me and Jay looked.  
Sean had fallen off his jetski, and it looked like he was drowning. "Sean!" I screamed.  
"Cameron!" Jay looked like he was about to panic.  
Tyler jumped on a jetski, and saved him, he brought him back to us on the beach.  
Sean coughed up water, but he looked ok. He looked at Tyler, who nodded then left. Me and Jay walked away too, to let Ellie be with him.  
"Cameron is insane." Jay said to me as we walked down the beach together.  
"That he is." I sighed, remembering how Sean had just risked his life to save me a few days ago.  
"What?" Jay looked at me curiously.  
"Nothing." I splashed some water around with my feet.  
"Oh you're gonna tell me"  
"Oh really?" I asked, challenging him. "How is that?" He looked, and I ran. "Jay no way"  
Jay chased me down the beach, and through me over his shoulder with ease.  
"Jay no!" I started flailing my arms. "Put me down"  
"Ok." Jay said laughing, and he threw me into the water. I huffed and he looked at me. "What"  
I glared at him. "Aren't you going to help me up"  
"Ugh. Fine." Jay reached down to pull me up, but I just pulled him down into the water with me.  
We were both histerically laughing as we walked back up the beach and spotted Ellie and Sean. Sean was sitting by himself, staring off into the ocean. I walked up beside him and sat down.  
"Hey, you ok"  
"Yeah." He looked me over. "What happened to you"  
"Jay." I motioned over to where he was talking to Ellie, and we both laughed.  
"Em"  
"Yeah"  
"I'm sorry." He said while playing with the sand.  
"For what?" I looked at him questionally.  
"Last year, for everything." He looked at me. "I was a real jerk to you. You didn't deserve that"  
"Well, you weren't the only one being a jerk. I'm sorry too, last year was just"  
"Awful"  
"Sure." I laughed a little bit. "Sean"  
"Hmm"  
"Why"  
"Why what?" He was staring into my eyes now.  
"Why did you..." I looked away from his gaze, then back again. "You risked your life to save mine Sean. Why? You could have been killed. I could have lost you"  
"No Em," Sean lifted my chin so I could meet his gaze. "I could have lost you." 


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone was dressed and dry, and waiting outside Sean's parents house for him.  
"He's been in there a long time." I said, stating the obvious.  
And, as if by magic, Sean appears.  
"Yo Cameron, let's go!" Jay hollard.  
"Staying."  
What? So many things were going through my head at this point. Sean was staying. I just got him back in my life, and he was leaving again. This sucked. He gave Jay a man-hug, and recieved some choice words from Ellie, and I just got in the car. I could not deal with this, not now. We left, and Sean stayed behind.

Jay dropped Ellie off at her apartment, and then turned to me.  
"Hey Blondie, hop in the front."  
"Alright." I said while shrugging my shoulders.  
The ride to my house was kinda quiet, except for Jay strumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the radio. He kept on sneaking glances at me, and I finally broke the silence.  
"Jay, will you quit staring and pay attention to the road?" He scoffed at me.  
"I am not staring." He said, shaking his head.  
"Yes you are."  
"You are very concieted."  
"Oh, I'm concieted." I said laughing.  
"Yes, I think you are."  
"Well, you were staring."  
"I was not!"  
"Fine." I laughed. "You weren't staring."  
"I wasn't."  
"Ok."  
"I wasn't staring." he mumbled.  
"Jay?" I said after a minute or two of silence.  
"Yeah?"  
"My house was five blocks that way." I laughed while gesturing back the way we came.  
"Dammit." He hit the steering wheel, and I laughed at him more.  
"This isn't funny." he mumbled under his breath when I kept laughing.  
We got to my house, and Jay turned off his civic. We looked at each other for a few minutes.  
"Thanks Jay, today was... interesting."  
"Come on, admit it Greenpeace, today was fun." then he paused. "for the most part."  
"For the most part." I said agreeing.  
I turned to get out of the car when Jay stopped me.  
"Greenpeace?"  
I turned back to him, and our lips met. I was startled at first, but then I got into it. The kiss got deeper and more passionate, and then his hand went to my thigh. A flash of Jordon went through my mind, and my breath caught. I put a hand on his chest, and gently pulled away.  
"It's... it's getting late." I looked away from him. "I should go." I opened the door and got out. "Bye Jay!"  
"Bye." he said quietly, and sat there shocked for a minute before driving off.  
No one was home when I got inside, so I went down to my room, and curled up on my bed, under the blankets. I felt so stupid, it was over three years ago, and that night still haunts me. I cried myself to sleep.  



	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks have gone by, and nothing has really changed between me and Jay since that kiss. For a few days we were shy around eachother, and tried to avoid eachother as much as possible. But that soon changed, and we were back to insults and enimies.

was no longer principal, Ms.H is, and rehersals for Dracula were starting up. I was cast as one of the "three lovely ladies," along with Alex and Amy, because I bombed my audition for Mina, and Jay was on stage crew.

I was backstage waiting for my cue, when Jay came up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders, and ran a hand down my left arm, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps.

"Greenpeace, you look so tense."

"I'm always tense." I tried not to let him get to me, but it wasn't working.

"If you don't loosen up, you'll break in half one of these days." His hand went from my arm to my butt, and I frozeAnother flash of Jordan went through my mind.

"Three lovely ladies!" JT called. "Emma! That's your cue." I walked away from Jay to my spot on the stage.

"We are ravenous." I looked back to Jay to see him staring, and looked back.

Aster rehersal, I was in the dressing room, and Amy was complaining that she lost something. Manny was begging me to hangout with her tonight.

"Em, come on, we're gonna go for pizza!" She gave me her puppydog eyes before adding extra begging. "Please? It'll be really fun."

"I can't Manny, mom and Snake need me to watch Jack tonight." Lie, but I just haven't been up to hangingout with friends lately, I've been to...distracted.

"Alright." she said while dramatically sighing and rolling her eyes. Typical drama queen Manny.

I picked up my jacket, and underneath it were a bunch of wire bracelets in various colors.

"Um, Amy?" She looked at me in disgust before snatching them out of my hand.

I started to walk home a little after everyone else left. Jay's civic pulled up next to me. Was he waiting for me?

"Hey Blondie, need a ride? Sixteen independent speakers." Oh yes, Jay was very proud of his orange baby.

"Sure." I said shrugging before walking around and getting in the passenger seat. "My house is..."

"I know where it is." he said, cutting me off. "Remember, Seanyboy leaving us?"

"I miss him too." I said after a moment of reading his face.

"Hey! Now I didn't say that. Don't be getting all mushy on me, Greenpeace."

"Ok." I said shrugging, but then smirked. "But you did miss it last time." I said, adding a giggle.

Oh yeah, last time..." There was an uncomfortable silence for about a second while we drifted off into thoughts of that day, and more importantly, that kiss. "Hey, there's a party tonight at Benette Park. You should come."

I looked into his eyes for a moment before giving a slight nod. "Sure." He pulled into my driveway, and I stepped out, uninterupted, to my disappointment. "Bye Jay."

"Later, Green."

Well, tonight should be interesting.


	6. Chapter 6

It was dark, smokey, and reeked of alcohol. There were picnic tables, coolers, a fire, an old van from the 70's, and stoners' galore. This was the ravine.

I spotted Jay on a picnic table with a beer in his hand.

"Hey." I said as I walked up to him. "Surprised to see me?"

"No." He said nonchalantly, slowly shaking his head. "Here." he said while handing me a beer.

"Thanks." I said while sitting next to him on the table, nursing my drink. "So why did you ask me here?"

"Like I said, you needed to loosen up, and this is the best place to do it."

I smiled at him, and then noticed a couple stumbling out of the ugly, orange, van I saw earlier.

"What's in the van?" I was truly curious.

"What do you thinks in the van?"

"Hmm...beer, more beer, smelly shag carpeting from the 70's."

A smirk appeared on his face. "Come on, I'll show you."

And of course, I followed him. I am a very stupid girl, always was, always will be. We climbed inside, and there were candles everywhere.

"Well this is fully anti-climatic." I said while looking around. "Come out, come out, wherever you are." I giggled a little.

Jay snuck up behind me, closing the door, and putting his hands on my waist. "Hey." He turned me around so I was facing him, and then kissed me. I pulled away from him slowly, and looked at him curiously. "It's for hooking up."

My eyes widened a little. "What?" This was bad.

He laughed at me. "You know what blow jobs are, right?" A smirk came back to his lips.

"I...I have to go." I was about to leave when he stopped me. I wasn't nervous anymore, I was afraid.

"Hey." He grabbed my wrist. "Every player gets a prize." And with that, he tied a blue/green wire bracelet around my wrist, and I bolted out of there.

I climbed in through my window. I felt so stupid. Jay is not a bad guy. Yes, he can be a jerk, but he is no Jordon. But then why is it that when I'm with him, Jordon always pops in my head? Three freaking years! More than that even. Shouldn't I be over it by now? I cried myself to sleep, again.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: sorry i haven't posted in a while. i had my internet taken away for a month, and now that i have it back, my computer's being temperamental.

After rehersal the next day, Alex and Amy were making fun of me in the dressing room. Jokes about me being a virgin and suffering from "penisaphobia." Hotdogs, Snake's jockyshorts, things like that. It hurt, it really, really did. All it did was make me feel like even more of a whore for what happened with Jordon. I almost cried, but I couldn't give them that satisfaction. So, just to shut them up, well Amy atleast, I reached to get something by Amy, showing off my bracelete.

"Is-is that mine?" Amy stuttered.

"No, it's mine." That shut her up, I smiled and walked away.

I found Jay after I left the dressing room. He was walking to his car, and I caught up to him.

"Hey Jay!" He stopped to look at me. "Did you know I've only been in a car with 16 speakers twice?"

"That's nice, Blondie." He started walking again.

"Amy was being really mean to me after rehersal today, so I showed her mt bracelet, and she shut right up." I smiled. "It's like Amy kryptonite!"

Jay stopped dead in his tracks. "This isn't some kind of brownie badge competition, Greenpeace." He turned around to face me. "Amy earned those bracelets, you didn't."

"She-she earned them?" I was completely dumbfounded, and felt like an ass.

"Yeah, she did." And with that, he was off.


	8. AN

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm having issues with my computer. It'll turn on for all of 5 minutes, then shut off. If I can't get it to start working soon, then I'll start typing it up on my mom's computer (the one I'm using now). Wish me luck!


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm a horrible person. I can't believe it took me this long to put up a new chapter. I promise I'll be more timely for the next chapters. Seriously, what was it, May? I'm such a slacker. A slacker with senioritis, the worst kind. (lol)**

I went to the ravine again tonight, and found Jay on the same picnic table, alone, with another can of beer. He didn't look happy to see me.

"You already had the tour, Greenpeace" Jay said aggravated.

"Show me again." I leaned in closer to him. "Show me again for real."

Jay got up and followed me to the van. We got inside, and I was a little nervous. But I needed to do this, I needed to get over my stupid Jordon fear, I needed to know I could overcome it. So I'm here, in a van, with Jay Hogart. Stupid girl.

"Not gonna run away this time, are ya Greenpeace?" Jay laughed it off like it was no big deal. I guess it wasn't for him.

"Nope." I smirked and shook my head. Cool and confident on the outside, scared shitless on the inside.

Jay kissed me, and we began to make out, it felt kinda right. I ran my fingers through his hair, and his hands were on my back. I guess he didn't want to scare me away again? Odd gesture, coming from Jay. I took a deep breath inside my mind as I had one hand on his cheek, and let the other trail down his chest to his belt. I had images of Jordon and that night flashing through my head, but I knew I had to do this, for me.

*~*~*~*

I received another bracelet once we were done, and he buckled his pants back up.

I began coming to the ravine every night to meet up with Jay; but each night we spent more and more time talking and hanging out, so I ended up coming home later and later. Soon we started hanging out outside of the ravine. It was like becoming his secret other girlfriend. I felt a little bad for Alex, but being with Jay felt right, even if when we did hook-up I still got flashes of Jordon. I think I might really be falling for him.

One weekend, Jay brought me to his car, and handed me a blindfold.

"Jay." I smiled. "What's this?"

"Come on Emma," Yeah, he started calling me Emma "I wanna surprise you."

"Alright," He started to tie the blindfold around me. "But you have to hold my hand the whole way, okay?"

He smiled at me, and gave me a peck on the lips. "Alright."

He finished tying the blindfold, and led me to the car.

We were in the car for a while, singing along to the radio, and as Jay promised, he held my hand the entire way.

"Are we almost there?" I questioned.

"Uh-uh-uh, I'm not telling you anything." I smiled; he could be so adorable sometimes.

Finally, the car stopped.

"Okay Emma," my heart fluttered a little bit at the sound of his voice saying my name. "Now we're gonna walk for a while."

"Are you still gonna hold my hand?"

"Of course."

I smiled. "Then I'm okay."

"Good."

Jay carefully led me through some kind of wooded area, making sure I didn't trip. When he took my blindfold off, I was breathless. What I saw was amazing. We were in a clearing that was on a cliff. There was a giant boulder, and across the valley was a waterfall. Sunset was just beginning, and Jay came from behind me with a basket.

"Jay this is beautiful." I awed, still in shock.

"Like you." I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear that, he said it so low, but I stood on my tippy-toes, and gave him a kiss.

"You can be so sweet."

Jay laughed. "Don't let it get around."

"Never." I said, while shaking my head laughing with him.

"Shall we?"

Jay took my hand and we sat down on the boulder. He took out two sandwiches, and a bottle of vodka. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, then I shivered.

"You cold?"

"A little."

He smiled at me, and brought me closer, putting one arm around me. I laid my hand on his chest, and we watched the sunset in a comfortable silence.


	10. Chapter 9

That Friday was horrible. Top five, no, top three worst days of my life. Just under Jordon, and Rick.

It started with me finding Jay and Alex making out right in front of me. Okay, I know they are the ones going out, I'm not delusional, but normally Jay would spare my feelings and not do it in front of me. Then, we had someone come to our class to talk about a mine outbreak of gonorrhea. But what really takes the cake, was what happened at dress rehearsal. Alex came storming in, ready to punch Amy in the face, which she does quite well if I might add. Now ordinarily, I would care less, but it was because of Jay, more importantly, Amy going down on Jay.

I went to talk to Jay after rehearsal; we had an hour before we had to be back at school for the play. I found him sitting in his car by the ravine.

"Jay?" I called as I got in the car with him. "Jay, what's wrong?" I asked him when I saw his expression.

"In case you haven't noticed Blondie, I had a really shitty day." He told me, looking really pissed.

"Anything I could do to help?" I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Yeah, you could get out of my face." He opened up the car door and waited for me to leave. "Go!"

For me to say I was heartbroken, would be an understatement, all I wanted to do was be with him.

I started to get dressed for my role as Mina when I got back to school. Darcy was being, well, Darcy, so JT casted me as her replacement. I decided to talk to Dracula to get my mind off Jay. I couldn't talk to Manny, because she was mad at me for what I said to her the other day about getting pregnant.

"So Dracula, you ready for our big scene tonight?"

"Emma, there isn't enough antibiotic in the world for me to kiss you."

He walked away, and I stood there like an idiot. The play started, and Dracula didn't kiss me, he just pretended to. After my scene, Jay came up from behind me.

"Hey Emma." I didn't say anything to him, I couldn't. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier…"

"Don't talk to me."

"Emma…" Jay pleaded.

"Jay, you gave me a social disease." I said with my voice dripping with venom as I spun around to face him.

"Oh Emma, come on, at least I didn't tell Alex about us." I just stood there, glaring at him and shaking my head. 'Emma, I liked how you had virtue or whatever, that's why I didn't tell her."

"You're wrong; I don't have any of that."

"Oh come on, who are you trying to fool?"

"Jay, don't you get it? I never had any of that. Never! Not since…" my voice drifted as Jordon came into my mind, and I did my best not to flinch.

"Since what, me?"

"No, not you. For once not everything is about you." I was not going to cry, not here, not now.

"Then what?"

I sighed. "Just forget it, okay." And with that I walked away from Jay Hogart. I watched Manny get killed by JT and Danny, to end the play, and hopefully this horrible nightmare.


	11. Chapter 10

The next morning, I went to the clinic, in a different city, with a different name, and a different age, just like three years ago. Except this time I did have something, and I'm not the only one who knew. So when I got home, I just sat in bed and cried.

Jay kept on calling me so many times that day, I turned off the phone. I could not deal with him right now. I decided to jump in the shower, even with the gonorrhea gone, I didn't feel clean. And when I got out, guess who I see?

"Jay, just go away." I said sadly.

"Emma look, I'm sorry okay." He started pacing the small length of my basement bedroom. "You think if I knew I had something, I would have done that with you?"

I sighed, sitting down on my bed. "No."

"See? So please Emma, please forgive me." He was on his knees in front of me.

"Jay," I got up and paced around. "It's not just the STD. I mean, I obviously know I wasn't the only girl you were with, but I didn't know it was that many!"

Jay caught my hand and I looked at him. "Look, I'm sorry, Emma. I'm sorry for everything. But please, I don't want to lose you."

I sighed and sat back down. "I don't want to lose you either, but Jay, you hurt me."

"Look Em," My ears perked up when I heard him use that name. "I'll give up all those random girls."

"Amy?"

"Gone."

"Girls at the ravine?"

"History."

I sighed. "What about Alex?"

He sat down next to me. "Em…"

I looked at him struggling this choice. "I guess I can deal with Alex. I mean, that's way better than before."

Jay gave me a real smile, not a smirk. "Emma, you are the best!" He kissed the top of my head, and left.

"Emma, what have you gotten yourself into?" I sighed, and layed back on my bed, pillow covering my face.


	12. Chapter 11

Weeks passed, and my life just kept getting worse and worse. Manny never forgave me, my friends thought I was a slut, Mom and Snake's relationship was rocky, my relationship with them was rocky, my grades were slipping, I had to deal with Alex, and then the whole secret relationship with Jay thing was just the cherry on top of the my-life-sucks-sundae. It was getting to be too much. I was so stressed out, and I didn't feel like I had any control over my life. I went to the ravine a lot lately too. Just to try to drink my problems away. I also started eating less, because alcohol has a lot of calories, and I was drinking it, a lot.

I was getting ready for school one morning, and nothing seemed to fit. It was all too big, but I didn't care, and I don't think anyone else did either. So I decided on a pair of sweats that I tied really tight, and a hoodie to put over a plain t-shirt. Even if it was May, I was freezing.

I finally got to school a good ten minutes late, but I really just didn't care anymore.

"Hey Slutpeace!" Oh great, Alex came to brighten my day. Just what I needed.

"What do you want Alex?" I asked tiredly, I did not have the energy to put up with this.

"Oops, look, litter." She said as she balled up a piece of notebook paper and threw it at me, just like last year.

"Alex, what the fuck is your problem?!"

"Oh no, perfect, sluty, Emma used a bad word." She taunted in a baby voice.

"Alex, go to hell." I flipped her off as I went inside.

The rest of the day went by really slowly, and all the stares, whispers, and names, didn't make it go by any faster. Finally, it was lunch time, and I met Jay behind the school for our daily make-out session.

"Hey." He said coolly coming up to me.

"Hey." I said with no enthusiasm.

"What's wrong?" he questioned as he lifted up my chin.

"everything." I started to cry into his chest, and he held me there. I just couldn't handle all the stress anymore.

"Em, come on, It'll be okay." He tried to reassure me.

""No, no it won't Jay! I can't do this! It's too much!" I was now pacing back and forth in the alley.

"Emma, don't say that."

"Jay! I-I-" Something was wrong. My heart was racing, and I couldn't breathe.

"Emma?" Jay looked scared.

"Jay-I-help." I was bent over clutching my chest, dying for air.

"Oh God."

Jay picked me up, and ran me over to his civic, so he could drive me to the hospital.

I was lying there in a hospital bed, with an IV and breathing tube. I was terrified, I had no idea what was going on. Then Jay walked in.

"Jay" I said with tears in my eyes. "What's happening?"

"They said you had a panic attack, Em." He walked over to the bed and laid a hand on mine. "You had me really scared back there."

I was too, I'm sorry. But, am I alright then, it was just a panic attack?"

"Yeah, they said it was brought on by stress."

"Jay, I am really sorry." I started crying now.

"No Em, it's not your fault, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be putting you through this. It's not fair."

"Then, what does this mean?" I asked him with a sense of dread building up inside me.

"Maybe we just shouldn't do this anymore…" Jay suggested without taking his eyes off the floor.

"What?! No, jay, I love you!" I covered my mouth as soon as I said it, realizing what I had just done.

"You what?" I was trying to sink into my pillow now, willing myself to disappear.

"Nothing." I mumbled, defeated.

"Em, I-I-I have to go. Your mom's on her way."

And so with that, jay left me there, crying in a hospital bed, heartbroken. I hated him at that moment, but couldn't need him anymore than I did right then either.


	13. Chapter 12

A week went by, and I hadn't heard from Jay. He hasn't been at school, or the ravine, or anywhere. He just… disappeared. And since he left, nothing has gotten better, worse possibly. Snake is at Joey's, my mom is never home, and everyone still thinks I'm public enemy number one. I did give up on going to the ravine, which lead to a big cutback on drinking. But I'm also pretty much given up on eating as well. I just don't have an appetite anymore, and I'm trying to be perfect again (ha!), but everyone still hates me. I'm beginning to see that I'll never be the same Emma Nelson I used to be. My grades are… improving, but they've been tanking lately, so not by much. But I have no social life anymore, so that means ample time for studying, when I can focus. But really, all I do all day long, everyday, is cry my heart out for Jay. I really do love him, and when he found that out, he left. God, he can be such a jerk! And I fell for him. Stupid, stupid, little girl.

I was sitting on my bed in a pain of loose sweatpants and a tee that used to be fitted, attempting my pre-calc, when I got an IM.

WBBB88: Em? Are you there?

GP89: yeah. Sean?

WBBB88: the one and only!

GP89: wow, haven't heard from you in months…

WBBB88: yea, sry about that =(

GP89: it's ok. =/

WBBB88: so… how r u?

GP89: not so good…

WBBB88: rly? What's wrong?

GP89: just about everything.

WBBB88: like what?

GP89: it's a long list Sean

WBBB88: I got time

GP89: well for starters… Snake is living at Joey's and my mom is MIA

WBBB88: family problems, gotcha

GP89: and the little fact that the whole school hates me

WBBB88: melodramatic much! Lol

GP89: they think I'm the new many

WBBB88: what?! Why?!

GP89: well… there was this thing with the ravine… =/

WBBB88: …

GP89: don't be mad, but me and Jay had a thing

WBBB88: u + jay???

GP89: yeah… sean, I've fallen for him… hard.

WBBB88: rly?

GP89: rly.

WBBB88: so what happened?

GP89: he cheated on alex with A LOT of girls, including me.

WBBB88: emma…

GP89: I kno…

WBBB88: then what?

GP89: an std might have been involved…

WBBB88: what?!

GP89: all cleared up now though

WBBB88: ok…

GP89: the whole school thinks I went down on everyone at the ravine, but it was only jay, so they hate me.

WBBB88: that sucks, was that it?

GP89: no.

WBBB88: *sigh* what else?

GP89: jay.

WBBB88: didn't we go over jay?

GP89: well after alex found out, he stopped with the whole random girls and amy thing, but he was secretly dating me

WBBB88: so what happened?

GP89: I told him I loved him a week ago, and he… disappeared =(

WBBB88: … :[

GP89: sean?

WBBB88: I just… want to hurt jay for hurting u

GP89: I just want jay here =(

WBBB88: em, please tell me ur not crying

GP89: ok, I'm not crying.

WBBB88: r u lying?

GP89:…yes. =(

WBBB88: *sigh* now, was that the end of your troubles?

GP89: pretty much, all the big things anyway

WBBB88: I'm sry

GP89: it's fine

WBBB88: no, it's not. I'm gonna go kick jay's ass.

GP89: how? Ur in wasega

WBBB88: idk, but I'll find a way

GP89: thanks sean

WBBB88: no prob

GP89: I miss u, I forgot how great it was to just talk 2 u

WBBB88: I miss u 2, and yea, it is great.

GP89: ugh I hav to finish this massive amount of pre-calc and it's already 12 =/

WBBB88: that sucks, I still have a workload to do too

GP89: so I guess I'll talk 2 u later then?

WBBB88: sure, anytime =)

GP89: night sean =)

WBBB88: night em =)

GP89: and sean?

WBBB88: yea?

GP89: thanks.

WBBB88: no problem, it feels good to be the helper instead of the helpee for once ;)

GP89: =) bye sean

WBBB88: bye em.

I turned off my computer and crawled into a ball on my bed. I missed Sean, but at the moment, I missed Jay more, and it's only been a week! I had it bad.

**A/N: Sean's screen name WBBB88 stands for Wasega Beach Bad Boy 88, and Emma's GP89 stands for Green Peace 89.**


End file.
